I just want to say this: to all you people out there trying to live a healthy lifestyle, I salute you. This last month I have learned that being actively healthy is a full time job. There are days when you are out running the streets, hustling and bustling, trying to do what you have to do, and it would be so much easier to take a spin through the drive-thru than to come home and make a meal. There have been days when I would rather gouge my eyes out than stand at the stove and cook anything. Seriously, ask my boyfriend. The other day I attempted a tilapia dish that looked simple enough but required squeezing 3 different types of citrus fruits (I definitely got my arm work out for the day on that one). I was tired and cranky and I just wanted an ice cream sandwich. But I pushed and pushed myself until my counter was so slippery that the juicer slipped out of my grasp and went hurtling to the floor, spilling the contents of the container I had slaved over all over the floor (which later resulted in a sticky mess). At that very moment I completely lost my cool. I turned, furious, screeching something incomprehensible at my boyfriend and ran into the bedroom, sobbing. It took many moments of Denan leaning over the bed, petting my hair, and saying “it’s okay” over and over again for me to regain my composure, straighten up and finish that dish. Oh yes. There have been those days.
There have been days when my feet hurt and my bones ache. The off and on Louisiana weather is running amuck in my lungs and I would much rather stuff my face with a deep fried chicken patty on a bun full of soothing starches and sugars and just collapse. Pushing yourself that extra mile to make sure you get your workout in or getting the proper nutrition while everything else is going on is terribly trying. I can see why so many people just give up; this is exactly why I have given up in the past. Life folds in on you and before you know it, you’re eating what you can to survive and, eventually, a ton of bad things just to comfort you from your busy lifestyle. Fighting off these kinds of impulses is hard. But I have to say, this time I am really trying. This time I keep bouncing back every time there is even the teensiest of a setback. This time I am just so tired of looking and feeling the way that I do that I refuse to let it be the end of the story.
Lately I have been doing a whole bunch of nothing because I am still unemployed. Starting in a week or so I am going to be volunteering at a center for families in my community to gain service hours towards getting into graduate school. While I’m really glad to get out and do my part, I know that I also won’t have the time to sit around and cook wholesome meals all day long. And it’s looking like March is going to be a pretty tight month for us financially so I am going to have to try EXTRA hard not to turn to the dollar menu to feed myself. As it is I am already dreading this month and the trials and tribulations that will come with it. That being said, I am also looking back on February and the successes that came with it. With new career options on the horizon for me, I decided it was about time to buy some proper clothes. It’s not that the ones I own are bad…it’s just that…well, when you are not exactly satisfied with your body, you tend to only own a few staple items of clothing and abuse the heck out of them. What I mean is, you wear the same thing over and over again; the things that you are “comfortable” in. The dresses that I have are nice, but I wear them a lot and they look a little worse for wear. My grandparents just gave me a hefty sum of money for graduation and so I figured, “what the heck?!” and went crazy at Target. I wouldn’t say Target’s clothes are particularly CHEAP, but they do have some pretty sweet deals. Plus, Target tends to support the whole “bigger people wearing fashionable clothes” thing, which is awesome. Apparently some stores just think that big people don’t wear clothes. They just seem to think that we are content with taking our pillowcases, cutting holes in them, and walking around like that. I don’t really know what’s up with that. Not to mention they have REALLY cute clothes. My typical strategy for taking down the clothing section of Target is: 1) Look for cute patterns. 2) Look for things that stretch. 3) Look for items that are big enough for my boobs to live in. 4) Look for things with interesting accents.
I did that. And I picked out some really cute leggings and a few nice dresses. Which is basically what I buy every time I buy clothes. However, there is one thing that I really have needed for the last…oh I dunno….3 years or so…it’s called PANTS. I hate wearing pants. Pants and me just don’t…we don’t do well together. Every single pair of pants I have ever owned has always been too tight in the waist and too loose in the butt. This body type is called “The Family Curse” where I come from. My mom tried to help by buying me “jeggings” which is basically what would happen if jeans and leggings had a child. That was nice. I liked them. But I got made fun of because they are not “proper pants”. So I got a whim. I’ve ALWAYS wanted a pair of brightly colored skinny jeans. I really wanted mint green, but the greedy little buttheads in my town already swiped them all before I could even get there. So my next favorite color is pink. And I just…wanted to try on a pair of pink skinny jeans. Spring is coming and bright colors are starting to be in style again and I just thought, “hey….let’s see if I can fit into pants now”. Let me just say now that buying pants in the past has been some kind of personal hell for me. Every time I ever had to buy pants would be a stark reminder that I was just a fat loser that couldn’t fit into “normal people jeans”. And it would usually end in me crying on the fitting room floor like some kind of bad reality TV show and my mom refusing to acknowledge that I was her child. It was just bad, people. So when I tried on those skinny jeans in Target I was pretty much preparing myself mentally to want to eat my feelings away at the Chinese buffet. But that didn’t happen….because they fit. Like perfectly. Like…I look like I ACTUALLY have a butt and I can BREATHE in my pants. And they are kind of….well sort of comfortable. As comfortable as non-lounge pants can be. They were so comfy that I decided to get two pairs. One in pink and one in blue.
Imagine that. I can fit into pants. At Target. A store where normal people shop. Huh.
*Borat voice* GREAT SUCCESS!
So without further ado…I have a new Easter outfit for this year. BAM. (Sorry that I look less than pleased. I was using Photo Booth on my computer and they only give you three seconds to get your butt ready for a good picture. I was concentrating hard.) The blazer is new too. I got that one from Lane Bryant.
Starting Weight: 235 lbs
Current Weight: 223 lbs
So that’s my first status report guys. How you like dem apples? Tell me about your weight loss experiences down below in the comments!
Eat, Pray, Love,
Katie, the girl who wears pants now.